re-luc-tant

1.Unwilling; disinclined
2.Exhibiting or marked by unwillingness
3.Offering resistance; opposing.

I have a long list of things
that I need to either
1) complete or
2) implement.
The list started out small
but it is growing as we speak.
And it's not to say
that I do not know
how to do them.
I'm just putting them down on paper,
then folding them in half,
and again in half,
until it can fit snugly
in a corner of my desk.

"I don't understand why you're so reluctant.
You're like a fighter-pilot
who has got the target locked in.
Push the red button!"

It can be exasperating I know.
Even I get exasperated with myself
just thinking about it.
And subconsciously,
it is giving me a lot of grief
(translate to read: STRESS).
My sleeping pattern is again all out of whack,
migrains are flaring up,
and half the time I am walking around
with my head / mind / consciousness
being somewhere else.

It's really not a lot of things to complete
- half of them fall under category (2).
But this firecracker just doesn't seem
to wanna be lit for some strange reason.
And that is what I need to determine,
in order to be like a cow and moo-on.

"If I were the guy in Mission Control
- I would be yelling my head off at you
to fucking push the red button ALREADY.
But I'm not, so I am just going sit here
and wait for you to come
to your senses on your own.
But please - you're already locked on.
Just press it?"

I'll think about it
- that much I can promise you.