making tough choices

Everyday we have choices to make.
what to wear, how to do our hair,
whether to get up out of bed
as soon as the alarm screeches
or to sneak in another 5 minutes (or 20),
to have coffee or tea, eat a sandwich or a salad,
which song to play on the ipod.
sometimes we're asked to make
the most mundane choices
and sometimes they're
earth-shattering and life-changing.

it's during the times when
i've had to make these life-altering choices
that i just want to scream,
stop the world! i want to get off!
i want some time alone to make
my decision properly and sanely,
because sometimes
(more often than not)
my decision-making ability
is flawed and emotion-driven.
i want to sit down and consider
my options carefully so that i can make
a decision that is the best for me
and for everyone involved.

i've found myself in a huge muddle.
and it's seriously not good.
i'm not happy.
i seriously wish, sometimes,
life had an "undo" button
so i can redo everything.
unfortunately, these lessons,
we sometimes have to learn the hard way
and we have to face
the consequences of our decisions,
we must live the resulting life
because of the choices we make.

honoring promises is not an easy thing.
and honoring a particularly difficult promise
that i made ages ago is quite possibly
going to break my heart.