Looking Back On 2008

I decided this year, for my new years post,
I would sit down and look back on the year that was,
and write down some of the things that I've learned.
Some are big, some not so much,
but they have all impacted my view on the world,
and on the thing I call my life.
I hope you enjoy reading them,
and maybe you'll learn something as well.

54 things I learned in 2008

1. My impulse to buy a new book
is larger than my impulse to read a new book.

2. Truth of the matter is
you really can judge a book by its cover!

3. The TV can test my will power
to say, “Stop its 1am already
- I’ve got work tomorrow!”

4. Being who you really are,
not who people expect or want you to be,
shocks the hell out of people.

5. Dark and twisty is A-Ok...
and often even better.

6. Getting what you want
doesn't always make you happy.

7. Even though it should...
hard work does not always
pay off in the end.

8. Distance makes you very lonely.

9. Telling the truth sucks
but doing so really will
make you better for it.

10. Hearing the truth sucks even more
but in the vast long run
it usually makes things better
...eventually.

11. The people who brought you into this world
aren't always your kin
- they maybe your biological family...
but that doesn't make them your kin.

12. Those you love the most
leave tiny, little impressions on you
even though you don't realize it until later...
and in some cases not until much later.

13. Being alone is ok
- up to a point.

14. Doing what you hate
is the worst possible way to spend your life
- if it's at all possible,
DON'T DO IT!!

15. Writing down everything that comes to you
(while overwhelming and tiring)
is cathartic, never forget that.

16. Loving a fantasy
is a one-way ticket to Crazyville.

17. Opening yourself up
(particularly for me)
to someone is hard.
Doing the heavy lifting in friendship
is sometimes so hard for me.

18. Doing something that you’ve done
over and over and over again
will make you good at it,
but it’ll also make it
so fucking boring
that the act of having to do it
becomes more of a task
than the task itself.

19. Perception is everything.
There is nothing in this world
that isn’t open to perception.

That’s what people really get
pissed off at other people about …
perception.
I perceive something to be one way;
you perceive it to be completely different.
I hate you.

20. The only person’s actions
you can control
are your own.

21. When I drink,
I rarely have a hang over the next morning.
Almost never.
But in the few times I have experienced one,
it’s brutal.

22. When a kid says “smell my hand”,
it almost never smells like anything good.

23. I spend a lot of time reminiscing and being nostalgic.
I’m very aware of how quickly my life is going.
One morning you get up, go for a pee
and you’re not even aware that
that is going to be the last piss you ever take.

24. “Best friends” make the worst enemies.

25. There is no such thing as a best friend:
there are just people that you favor over others.

26. Greed is still the ultimate driving force in the world.


27. It’s funny how the sound of
other people having sex is so awkward.

28. I hate apologizing.
Really, really hate it.
Most people would say the same thing,
that eating crow isn’t fun
but for me, it’s worse.

29. Maybe it’s because
I just don’t like being wrong.

30. There’s never a need to worry about anything.
Worrying doesn’t solve anything.
Things have a way of solving themselves.
And if they don’t, they’ll be over by tomorrow anyway.

31. I've learned that my happiness is exactly that; mine.
i can not allow others to define my happiness
and what i should be happy about.
i'm the only me and no one knows me better than me.
what makes me happy is what makes ME happy.

32. I've learned that how you feel about someone
isn't necessarily how they feel about you.
their actions are indicative of where you stand
and how you rate in their lives.
i can't feel bad for their inability
to adequately be what i'd like them to be.
i have to accept them for who they are
and decide what position, if any
they'll be allowed to have in my life.

33. I've learned that my moral compass
must lead north at all times.
taking the southern route to get to know someone
is an ineffective way of going through
the "getting to know you" process.
as hard and tempting as it may be,
i know i have to remain loyal and true
to myself and what i hold valuable.

34. I've learned that making a bad choice/decision
doesn't make me a bad person.
i know that i'm not perfect and i can/will make mistakes
but i can't allow myself to be held hostage by what i've done.
it's how i try to rectify the problem that counts.
owning up to my shortfalls means a lot to me
and i will strive to be the best person i can be.

35. I've learned that i love hard and play for keeps.
i won't compromise on how i love someone,
so i know i won't settle for anything less
than what i deserve in a relationship.
i'd truly rather be single and happy (and even horny...lol)
than involved and unhappy with myself and/or him
just to say i'm with someone.

36. I've learned from experience that life truly is short
and we must and i repeat must LIVE it.
we can't live to work, but instead work to live.
i plan to make the dash between
my sunrise and sunset count.

37. I've learned that frienships need work
and even if it falls apart i must do what it takes
to rebuild it if it can be rebuilt.
i must do my part to nuture and make it grow.
friendships are God's gift to us
in order for us not to be lonely.

38. I've learned that there is a thin line
between love and hate
and i have to know which side of the emotion i'm on.
i learned that while i loved the man,
i hated his actions, his inabilities, his shortcomings
and i shouldn't allow the negative
to outweigh the blessing of love i had with him.

39. I've learned letting go is sometimes
the best course of action as it will allow room
for what i need in my life and not what i think i want.
letting go means taking a leap of faith
and allowing myself the opportunity
to spread my wings and fly.

40. each day is a gift. i must embrace it,
love it, hold it near, and never think for one second
that it isn't something worth living.
suicide in any form is never an option.

41. the simple pleasures
are and will always be the best.

42. Grey’s Anatomy really is
THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH


43. Be thankful for your best friend.
Because they will be the one who picks you up off the floor
and holds you while you are sobbing and convulsing.
Whether it be because of heartbreak, death or just a breakdown.
They will always be there for you.

44. Friendships will experience rifts, and disagreements.
The important thing is to work through them,
because they are truly the only thing worth fighting for.

45. It’s sad, but sometimes a person
you thought was your best friend….
will turn out not to be anymore.
you’ll change. And go you separate ways.
And it will hurt like hell, because best friend breakups
are worse than boyfriend breakups.
But you will remember the good, and move on.

46. Just because you love someone and they love you,
doesn’t necessarily mean you’re meant to be together.

47. People deserve second chances,
but if they screw you over again, be done with them.

48. Sometimes relationships just don’t work.
You can be friends. You can be fuckbuddies.
But that doesn’t always translate
into making a relationship happen.

49. The answer is no until you try.
So, don’t be afraid to introduce yourself,
flirt with that cute boy at the bar,
or leave the confines of what’s safe
whether it be a job, or simply a new entree.
You’ll never know if you don’t take that chance.

50. Facebook, MySpace, Texts, and phonecalls
are all potential sources of humiliation
and BAD DECISIONS while intoxicated.

51. One can resign from a job
because you were oh so unhappy,
pick up the pieces, and find a new one.
A company that appreciates you as an employee,
and allows you to do what you love.
It’s comforting to know that people really can
and do see what you’re capable of
through your very own merits.

52. Sometimes the very thing
that can make you feel like a failure at life,
aka being laid off from your job,
is the best thing in the world to happen to you.
Who knows, maybe one day you’ll be
sending them a "thank you note.”
Consider it signed, sealed,
and waiting to be delivered.

53. It is entirely possible
to burn macaroni and cheese.

54. My inner strength is stronger
that I have ever thought possible.
I have truly been tested this year,
but I'm still standing.
This year has made me, me….
and I look forward to this next chapter of my life.

invisible

Dear X,

I want you to know that, despite everything, you are still my friend. No matter what has happened, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how things might have ended, I still care. Maybe we don't talk anymore, or maybe we just don't talk about the right things. I want you to know that I still love you. Sometimes, I have watched you struggle, and wished that I could have done anything to make it easier for you. I've cried for you, and I've worried. I hope
that the positive vibes I fervently sent your way helped somehow. Maybe it doesn't matter, but I still think positively on your behalf, even if you can't. But maybe I don't know how you're doing, or what you're been up to. I send my best wishes your way, just in case. I wish I was better, stronger. I wish I could have kept the promises I made to you. I wish I could say this directly to you.

Love,
You invisible friend

Terrible Marketing Consumerism Woes

There are some things that you JUST DON'T DO when trying to market something.

1.) Have a lame theme song

2.) Having a lame mascot.

3.) Giving your product a surname.

For example, any movie that is a sequel to a subsequently terrible beginning always has a bad surname. I just saw the trailer for "Punisher II: Warzone. (which proudly boasts Ray Stevenson as the lead character.) "Hellboy II: The Golden Army," not necessary. How about just "Punisher II." Is that not good enough? Why add such cliche surnames as "Redemption, Apocalypse, Extinction, Evolution, The Aftermath, Reloaded, , Red, White, and blonde, the Revenge, the streets, havannah nights, back to tha hood, etc?" It just makes it sound as cheesy as it will be.

Lame mascots include but are not limited to, The Verizon guy, the Gieco Gecko, Ms. Buttersworth, talking dogs for dog food, those simon and garfunkel rip offs for Burger King, the lips for Dairy Queen, and any washed up actor, sportstar, or model that endorses an energy drink or workout equipment.

I have it out for stupid marketing. Commercials are just irritating. Can consumerism be that dense that we really would eat at Rally's because Rick Pitino says that he does? And how come all of the KFC commercials show black people sitting around the table exclaiming, "This be some good chicken!" I mean, wow. If I were black, I would be offended.

This is letting go

An old piece I found that never made it's way to my blog. Thought I would share it. If anyone is curious as to who it was wrote too, ask and I'll let you know.

that night, the night when i finally said 'enough is enough,' was biting cold as i slipped out of the party, struggling to hold back my tears & making it only as far as the car, where i spent what seemed like ages fumbling with my keys until i finally felt the lock give & rushed, shivering, into the driver's seat. it took a minute for me to move; i sat there instead with my hands on top of the wheel & my forehead pressed against it, taking in deep breaths of the cool air that was slowly becoming tolerable. sitting up, i wiped my eyes, though it was as useless as a shoveling snow while the blizzard is still happening, & began to drive. i had no where to go, but somehow it seemed like the only option. the lights of the city all blurred into one & i could barely make out the reds, greens, & yellows of the traffic signals as i drove along. my head was no longer doing the driving, though; instead, it was my heart, & i somehow found myself at the football field. you know the one. you remember the night. & as i sat there, i saw it all play out, & through my tears, i smiled. the next place i passed was the sidewalk in front of your parents, the one where we stood kissing in the rain. i closed my eyes, & the wetness on my face was still there, almost as if it were happening again. next were the flower shop, the gas station, the car wash... i passed the park & i saw the very place we had parked that night. it couldn't possibly have been almost a year ago, could it? because i could still feel the way i had felt that night, the way my cheeks had ached from smiling so hard. the bowling alley, the movie theater...every place has it's own story, it's own unforgettable memory of 'us.' remember when it was 'us,' not 'you' & 'me?' i kept driving, letting occasional sobs escape my mouth as the rain from my eyes steadily fell, & i went to the place i knew would hurt the most. i drove past your road, past your house where we drove through the fog & you gave me a kiss on the cheek while i drove because you 'couldn't help it,' & finally i saw it. the rest stop. our rest stop. For an entire year it had been ours. i parked the car this time, walked out to the table where we had layed together, & laid down in the freezing cold. the cold wind burned my face, but when i closed my eyes, i could almost swear it was your warm breath brushing against my face again...i could almost feel your skin against mine, here you whisper those three little words. & i swear, at that moment, the tears were gone. i sat up & looked around. the grass, the grass we had made memories on, was no longer beautiful; it was ugly & brown & had lost the magic it once possessed. i almost laughed at the irony of it all. instead, i sighed, slowly got up & walked to the car. with one last look, i got inside, started the ignition & wiped my eyes completely dry. '& this,' i thought to myself, 'this is letting go.'

The Religious Case for Gay Marriage

How many times have you had to hear opponents of marriage equality cite passage after passage from the Bible? How many times have you wanted to know exactly the right response to their literary acrobatics?

Newsweek's recent cover story, "The Religious Case for Gay Marriage" provides just that – debunking all the popular myths.

The response? On the first day, Newsweek was "bombarded" with 20,000 emails in opposition to its article.

Stand up for equality and fairness - send Newsweek a note today.

The current cover story of Newsweek magazine titled, "The Religious Case for Gay Marriage" should be read by each and every member of our community. The piece provides an in-depth debunking of many of the popular myths about Scripture that the religious-right has used time and time again.

How refreshing to see a major, mainstream American news outlet speaking the truth in such a courageous way.

But, as you would fully expect, the right-wing has launched a massive uproar to the piece by flooding Newsweek's editors with thousands of letters in opposition. Last night Lisa Miller, Religion Editor for Newsweek Magazine and the article's author, was interviewed. You can hear Lisa in her own words describe how on the first day the story came out Newsweek was "bombarded" with 20,000 emails in opposition to the article.

Friends, when someone is courageously willing to stand up and take on the those who have for so long twisted the words of the Bible and gone unchecked – it is our obligation to make sure they know that there are also millions of us standing right on their side.

Don't let the voices of extremists silence those of inclusion and truth. Join me by sending a letter of support to Newsweek today.

You too can make sure that the voices of equality and fairness aren't drowned out by those who oppose our families.

A New Paradigm

Imagine that you and Bill Gates
enter into a poker tournament.
Bill is allowed to bring
all of his money
and you are allowed to bring all of yours.
What will be the result?
Bill will make you go all in
on every hand
and even if you win a few hands,
Bill has enough resource
to eventually break you.

This is the scenario
for the average American
working class citizen
who is told that if
he or she works hard,
it is possible to rise above
the straights to which
they were born
and become a person of affluence.
Is it possible? Perhaps.
Is it possible for you
to succeed in breaking
Bill Gates in a poker game?
Perhaps.
Is it likely? No.

If you consider the lopsided distribution
of wealth and power, coupled with
a culture of institutionalized racism,
is it any wonder why
so many Americans
feel disenfranchised?

“All men are created equal.”

I have some issues with this statement.

a) What about women?

b) Created implies that someone
picked up a piece of clay and formed us.
Sorry, my religious God-believing friends;
I don’t buy it.

c) People are not all the same.
Which is the what the word "equal" means.

This statement was written
in another time
and has served us well in the past.
But like all things,
it’s becoming a thing of the past
and of little use in a time
when everyone being treated equally
is an institutionalized excuse
for allowing the rich to get richer
and the poor to get poorer.

It is time for a paradigm shift towards equity.

What is the difference between
being treated equally
and being treated equitably?

I had a deaf student
in one of my classes
when I was in high school
(a very good student, by the way).
Because of her disability,
there was a sign language interpreter in the class.
If she was being treated with equality,
there would have been
no sign language interpreter
and she would have been expected to perform
at the same level as everyone else.
Remember, equal means the same.
But luckily, she wasn't being treated equally;
she was being treated equitably,
which means she was getting
the extra help she needed
to thrive and reach her full potential
as a human being.

Equity, not equality.

So how do you find the best poker players?

The capitalist mindset would have you believe
that if there is a big enough carrot
being dangled out there,
the cream will naturally rise to the top to nab it.
The idea being that individuals in society
will follow Darwin’s model
and climb our culture's evolutionary ladder
and thrive if, and only if, they are the fittest.

But there are a couple of things wrong with this notion.

First of all, consider the human quality
that is absolutely necessary
for a person to achieve a lofty position
in our capitalistic ecosystem.
Is it kindness? No.
Is it compassion? Hardly.
Is it generosity? Please, spare me.
A person who reaches the highest
of the trophic levels of our economic system
may not be devoid of these qualities,
but these are not the qualities that got them there.

Greed got them there--
the wish to have more,
the desire that puts an individual’s needs
and self-worth above all others,
the driving force that propels a person
up the economic food chain,
clawing and clambering over
the backs of others
who are also fighting their way to the top.
I’m not talking about people
who become doctors and lawyers and such
in order to achieve a comfortable living for themselves.
I’m talking about the two percent
of the population that controls 95 percent of the wealth.

Do we really want to live in a society/culture/economy
that is built on a negative human quality?
I know I don’t.

Besides, it is a flawed notion to begin with.

Evolution propelled dinosaurs to the top of the ladder,
where they stayed for millions of years.
Mammals lived alongside the dinosaur,
but could not flourish because of
the oppression of the dominant species.
It was not until a cataclysmic event
killed off all of the dinosaurs
that the lesser species-- mammals-- could thrive
and reach their greater potential.

So in their infinite wisdom,
those who hold poker tournaments
require that everyone enter the game
with the same amount of cash.
With everyone starting on an even footing,
chances are that those with the greatest ability,
not those with the greatest resource,
will come out on top.
With a level playing field,
it takes skill and ability
to out maneuver your opponents,
as opposed to just having
the resource to overpower them,
much like a brontosaurus steps on a fury rodent.

The wealth (and so, the power) in the U.S.
has steadily, over the last couple centuries,
shifted into the hands of a relative few.
When the phrase “all men are created equal” was coined,
the culture was largely agrarian-- with tradesmen
and shop keepers providing goods and services.
And the “men” in the phrase were just that
-- excluding women, excluding Black men,
oh, and by the way, they only included property holders.
The original phrase was “life, liberty, and the pursuit of property,"
not "happiness."

With this shift of resource and power
to the relative few, it has become
increasingly difficult for the cream to rise to the top.
Those at the top are firmly in place;
so firmly that when they screw up royally
and send our economy to its knees,
as it has gone recently, the government bails them out.
The cream at the top no longer has any accountability;
this is how entrenched they are at the top.
It is tantamount to socialism for the rich
and capitalism for the rest of us.
The system is broken.

The fix, then is logically a redistribution of wealth.
Level the playing field so that those with real talent
have a better chance of attaining their dreams,
even when they are born into one of the oppressed classes.
Remember the dinosaurs?
Where would we be now if dinosaurs still ruled the Earth?
We would still be scurrying around
trying not to get stepped on.
It is not until we have a system
that treats people equitably (as opposed to equally),
giving everyone what they need to thrive
and reach their full potential,
that we will, as a culture,
begin to move towards our greater potential.

Is this socialism? Sure it is.
But socialism is not at odds with democracy
-- one is a political system and the other is an economic system.
We have been duped into thinking that socialism
is necessarily a bad thing.
When socialism is paired with a dictatorship,
we call that communism (USSR, China, etc.).
When socialism is paired with fascism, that's Nazi Germany.
Has anyone tried pairing socialism with democracy?
We tried once with the rise of the unions
and it was working out pretty well for most of the people.
When unions were strong, the economy was, for the most part, stable.
Those under a union's protection made a decent living.
This strengthened their buying power
and so bolstered the overall economy.
But unions were attacked by those with power
until former President Ronald Reagan
finally squashed the union system
(and our economy) back in the 80s.
The economy has been relatively unstable,
violently bouncing up and down, ever since.

So, as the new administration
under President-elect Barack Obama
begins its work and those who have power
start their propaganda machine
and begin to rant about socialism,
ask yourself where you would be
if dinosaurs still ruled the Earth.
And do you really want
to let the dinosaurs continue to rule the U.S.?