I am calling...

I am calling for a queer revolution
This is my proclamation
to our emancipation
It is a solution
to the dilution
it is a solution
to the deletion
of our rights
our freedom of expression
our freedom of being,
our freedom of life,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness

I am calling for a queer revolution
it is no longer acceptable
to discriminate and hate
and yes I have become irate
because it is no longer acceptable
to classify me my friends, my family,
the ones that i love
it is no longer acceptable
to classify all of us
all of us, as secondary class citizens
we have called for change
over, and over, and OVER again
and yes, this right here, this is it

I am calling for a queer revolution
another stonewall

No longer shall we tolerate the injustice
no longer shall we be scared in public
running from our lives, from there lives
no longer shall this oppression
be my oppression, be your oppression
be our oppression

it is time to step forward
to look forward
and move on

you think you can continue
to break mirrors
to stab hearts
drop pins
and break bounds
but you know what
we are about to do the same
because i am calling
for a queer revolution

This is my proclamation
for our emancipation
I am sick and tired
sick and tired
tired of being sick
over this war
here within our hearts
within my heart

I am calling for a queer revoltion
because this, this is our nation
under god, indivisivble
with liberty and justice for all
for ALL

this is the change
that the founders of our nation
came here for
but it has fallen between cracks,
it has fallen between lines
and between the lives
of those who shouldn't have been lost

so i am here,
and i am calling
for a queer revolution

our progress will be a success
for our people
you know what,
for ALL people
because no longer
shall we be classified
as second class citizens
in this nation, under god
indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all

To all who read my blog

I do appreciate comments.
I sort of feel lonely
when i check back
and don't see any.

So come one,
spoil me with comments.

Lifetime-line

How do people keep track of their lives?
How do you keep track of your life?
Some go through photo albums.

"A picture paints a thousand words"

Yes, but a thousand words of a moment.
Just one moment.
A flash. Milliseconds of your life.
A millisecond of your life takes
a thousand words to describe.

I found an old journal of mine.
A tiny black notebook
that i used to let everything out on.
The last thing i wrote in that notebook:

"You see, the mind is like a river.
It grows long, it goes deep.
The deepest part of the river
is the strongest foundation of our minds.
Since this is the early part of the river,
it is the early part of our lives
- a child's foundations.
Now this river, as it gets longer,
changes the direction it flows through
- the path of the growing mind.
When i think, my thoughts spread finding the answer.
The problem is, my thoughts
- the water held by the river,
spreads too much and reached too far
by force that it seeps through
the soil and disappears
- collapsed by the plains of my own mind.
What i need to do is focus.
Collect my thoughts together
and form a powerful flow
towards the answer"

Reading that journal took me back to the days
It made me think of the things i would change
should i be given a second chance.

"The most painful lesson i have learnt so far
- Life itself goes on"
13th of May, 2001.

It's been over 7 years?
Seven years since i first placed
a piece of my mind in that book.
Alot can happen in seven years.
Seven years can bringabout
uncountable amount of changes.

If i have one wish,
I wish i was 5 years old
with my current mind intact.
(And the ability to control time.
Slow it down, speed it up, etc.
But that's not the point....)

I'm sure most of you have
at one point of time wished
for a second chance at life.
I'm sure you would love to be
5 years old again with your current mind intact.
Do things you should've done before.

If you're reading this,
you must have made
that sort of wish before.

I had a dream when i was 5.
I was a curious little boy.
So curious i kept on wondering
what it would be like when i grow up.
So curious it doesn't leave my head.
I think and think and think about it.
One day, i fell asleep and dreamt all this.
Dreamt so fast that time itself
slows down for me
thus making this life seems longer.
The dream feels to be going by normal time,
but in real life, it's just flashing by.
Here i am, typing away things about my life.
Hoping that my 5 year old self is dreaming it all up.
Hopefully he'll wake up soon
and remember everything.

Life was great when i was 5.
Answers to my questions come to my head.
They come out of nowhere.
I'm almost convinced
that i was smarter at 5 than i am now.

To my 5 year old self.
I would like to say that i haven't forgotten you.
I know you, and i know that i am
almost completely different from you.
I wish i was you
and i wish i was in your position.
I envy you, i respect you.

If everything is a dream,
if i am just a character in your dream,
I know you won't have the heart to wake up.
You've seen me grow for 19 of my years.
I can understand that.
But please do consider my part.
Should all this be your dream,
should you wake up
and make my whole existence disappear,
well i think that now is an excellent time to wake up.

Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.

And live your life
in ways i should have.

Soul Less

It's amazing how some mistakes
will reach out of the depths
and slap you across the face at random.
Just when you think
you're starting to get over it.
Just when you think
you've suffered enough,
and the wounds can begin to scar.

I deserve it, I suppose.

I want to argue.
I want to defend myself.
I want to redeem myself.
What's the point, though?
It was done.
It hurt someone who was dear to me.

She may never recover.
The friendships will certainly never heal.

So why should I?

Because I Do

"Why?"

He asks me all the time.
Why do you love me?
The implication is always
that there is nothing special to him.
No reason I should value him so highly.
Sometimes he expresses that thought.
Sometimes not.
Sometimes he tells me that I shouldn't.

Always the answer is both
simple and complex.
There is no reason.

If there were reasons
-- if I could point to this thing or that
and say 'Here is the root of my adoration' --
it would not feel as true.
If there were reasons,
this love could be easily broken.
Change this, do that, stop the other,
and poof, the love is gone.
This love isn't cut out so easily.

Stroke me, and I love you.
Hurt me, and I love you.
Keep me, I love you.
Send me away, I love you.
Be strong. Fall apart.
Stand tall. Bow.
Fight. Cry. Argue.
Agree. Create. Destroy.

I love you.

Shouldn't? Should?
Doesn't matter.
Never has.
Never will.

"I have chosen to stay and fight"

This is my response to Proposition 8 and every other gay marriage ban.

To those that say I am "the Other,"

Congratulations! You're winning. you have achieved with great valor one of your highest objectives. you have fought long and hard against a formidable opponent and have succeeded. So, for this, i say congratulations on winning yet another battle.

However, this quest for human rights and dignity is not a battle to be won or lost. In fact, it cannot be put in terms of war at all. This is a degradation, an oppression, a one of a kind -ism from you to me. You claim to fight to protect, to preserve and maintain the sanctity of your most precious values against the abominable and the dirty. You fight against me, and no I do not accept your challenge. My rights are not privileges and therefore not subject to your opinion.

But don't you worry. I'm still here and will still fight for you. Just as my birthright should never come to be questioned, neither should yours. I will never deny you of your happiness and of who you are, regardless of who tries to take the same away from me. I am here and you are here, and that is all I need to know because that means we are here together.

So for now, in this world, I am a second class citizen. But I like to say that a bit different. I am simply a force to be reckoned with. I will stay and fight in your battle against me, but I will fight for the both of us. Because if you succeed in your crusade against me, then someone will succeed against you and your fundamental right to being. So, thank you for your challenge, and again no, I do not accept it. But I will fight. For you, for me, and for everyone else.

What was that

Lot of things went through my head yesterday.
It was a busy day, though,
and I never had time
to write any of it down.

If you know me,
you know that I have
to write it down
as soon as it occurs to me,
or I won't remember.

Needless to say, I'm frustrated.
Missed a LOT of writing yesterday.

Insecure

With people who don't matter,
I'm the most confident person I know.
"This is me. Here it is.
Deal with it, or go away,
that's up to you."

With my inner circle,
I'm scared and insecure.
"Am I good enough?
Is it really me,
or is it just
convenient for you?"

I'm finally learning to stop hiding.
If they stuck around long enough
to make it into the inner circle,
the hiding is what's going
to push them away,
not the honesty.

I know it's silly for a grown man
to need constant reassurance
from the people who clearly
already love him.

But then, when have I ever
claimed to be a grown man?

I'm just a kid.
And a kid needs lots of care.

The people who make it
past that inner wall
-- past the pretence of adulthood --
they are the ones
that I trust with
that little boy self.

They are the ones
that I look to for guidance.

They are the ones who
can hurt me the most easily.
All they have to do is ignore me.

I'm not always sure
how or when
to ask for help.

When it's ok
to ask for the
attention I crave.

How to present that
I need compliments,
reassurance, praise.

I'm just little.
I'm still learning.
I need help with these things.

A New World

How wonderful, right?
I don't think I need to say
too much about the election,
by now, we all know the results.

However, I must say
how amazing I feel right now.
Its a new world.
In a matter of a few hours,
the entire way
that the United States
interacts with the world,
and how we are seen,
has been changed for the better.
Just how amazing!

But then, we can't forget
what else happened yesterday.
Many states put it in to
their state constitutions
that same-sex couples
are not allowed to marry.
Honestly, that is fine with me, do that.
I've come to the point
where I don't care
what a majority of people say.
Yes, this means rights
will be denied to me,
and to my fellow members
of the LGBTQ community,
but we need to remember
that this is just part
of a long struggle.
I don't want marriage.
I want rights.
I don't want heterosexual approval.
I want to be respected as an equal.
Soon, the States will see
that this is nothing more
then a way to put down the "other."
I have faith that this works out,
so honestly, I'm not that worried
about this setback. Why?
Because I don't see it as a setback.
Its another step on a journey.

So, that being said,
it is time to move on to today.
Obama will be our new president,
the Democrats in the Senate
and House have larger majorities,
and things will happen.
However, those things
that we crave so much to change
will only change if we
commit ourselves to that change.
Barack can't do it by himself.
You voted, congratulations.
Now, follow up, get active,
and continue to get your opinions out there.
Your voice in this world
does not end at a vote,
it is only a beginning.